Lazy Afternoon with a Hot Coffee

Dumb Stuff on Flights

For those of you who are interested or have asked me this question-- "Anything or anyone interesting that you've met on your flights so far?", the answer is Yes. And a big percentage of INTERESTING is actually DUMB.

Here are some things that are not exactly 'interesting', but they certainly get on my nerves.

1) Telling me at the boarding gate that you want to make a complaint to my company. For what? Because you're a Business Class Pax and you heard an announcement in the lounge telling you that your flight (which I'm serving on) is ready for boarding. So what did you do? You came to the gate, and realise that the plane's not ready yet.
And just because you think you're one of our company's "Very Important" customers (being in Business Class), you own the plane. What do you do next? You spot the nearest flight attendant (which happened to be me, waiting at the gate to help Pax with the outrageously-oversized luggages) and screamed that you want to COMPLAIN.
Hah. For what? In my mind I'm thinking-- "Yah lah... complain all you want. As if I care." But still, I have to fake up this genuinely concerned look and ask about the matter that's not to your satisfaction.
Complaint: You're not happy that the plane's not ready for you to hop on and take off your shoes while the poor attendant has to store your 'o-so-expensive-don't-spoil-it' coat. Errrr. Common sense please. Is it my company's fault that the announcement was made? NO. Ok, NOOOOOOOOOOOO. To think that you even have the cheek to call youself our "VERY IMPORTANT" customer when you can't differentiate what service we provide.
WE fly you from one place to another, feeding you like some incompetent human on the way. WE do not make the freaking announcement you heard. The AIRPORT GROUND STAFF made it. So before you want to make the 'o-you-better-take-note-of-this-cos-I'm-in-Business-Class' COMPLAINT, know who you Should be making it to. Dumb.

2) So now we're all comfortably (well, not totally) in the gigantic piece of metal we call a Boeing, you decided you need some newspapers or magazines. You see attendants walking the the aisle with a stack of those, and you wave your arms like crazy.
Yes, sir, yes. (We see you, and your crazy arms.) What papers would you like to have? "Erm, do you have the Blah-Blah Times?" We don't have that... anything else instead?
At this time, don't blame me for ignoring you and walking away to serve other Pax waiting patiently for the papers if you say this-- "How come you guys don't have that? Can you check again?" FYI-- I KNOW what papers are carried on this flight and YOU don't. So don't tell me to go LOOK FOR IT when the next most important thing is to get ready for takeoff.
Do we have a regulation restricting passengers from buying their newspapers and bringing them onboard to read? No. Do you have time in the airport terminal before you boarded this flight? Most probably, yes, a lot in fact. And seriously, this is a Boeing, not some newstand or bookstore. Dumb.

3) We've taken off, and cruising at a speed that most of us are not interested to know (but the cockpit still tells us that everytime). It's drinks service time. Cheers! What would you like to have? "Errr, what do you have?" I can offer you fruit juice, soft drinks, alcoholic drinks, and basically the stuff that's listed in the menu card (which you're holding in your hands at this moment).
"Then can I have some Pepsi?" We don't carry Pepsi on our flights, but I have Coca-Cola here, you want some? "I don't like Coke that much.. This whole plane don't have Pepsi ah?"
YES! We don't have Pepsi in this whole PLANE. In fact, we don't have Pepsi in the whole COMPANY. You happy now? So don't you dare ask me to go look for your 'I-don't-have-it-I'll-die' Pepsi. This is a Boeing 777, remember? Not your friendly neighbourhood 7-11. You can buy and carry a whole carton of Pepsi onboard next time. I'm definitely not stopping you. Dumb.

4) After drinking, it's EATING! Ok, I know you're Famished by now. (So am I, so don't give me that 'please-feed-me-soon look.) I'm right here in front of your seat, and asking for your choice of lunch. Isn't it clear enough? Fish or chicken? You have the menu card in your seat pocket there. Do a little in-flight exercise and stretch your crazy arms which you were just flinging a while ago to reach for that menu.
Here's a simple reminder: NEVER, EVER ask me which tastes better. Do I look like your stomach which has accompanied you for the past few decades? NO! I'm just here to serve you some food so that you can shut up and eat and leave me alone for the rest of the flight. If you can't even make a decision between fish or chicken, seriously, travel with someone who can.

(Deep breaths)

I need break here. And for most of those on flights, it'll be a break to the Loo!

We'll see what happens next, next time.

posted by A Lone Fighter @ 11:50 AM